she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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