i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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