Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
