shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
