I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
