my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
