just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
