Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
