I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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