I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
