I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
