the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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