Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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