Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
