Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
