I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Houston, we have a blender
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
