I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
