i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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