My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
