just tell him i said nine months
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
