On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
