if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
