sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
