just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
