I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
