last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize