Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
