Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
