in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
