just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
