fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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