I heard we made out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
