Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How does it feel to date your dad?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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