Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
