drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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