My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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