I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
