Small penises have feelings too.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
