I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
