u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
