Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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