god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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