He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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