Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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