He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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