a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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