She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
