I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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