The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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