He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
