First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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