party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
