and you said cock pushups were impossible
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize