How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
