Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
