Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what day is it and did you see me today?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
