oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
