haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
