Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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