I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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