is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
