I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
