It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
