dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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