okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
