she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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