I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
