Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
