the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
