oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
