she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Mom said you looked used
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need water and some morals
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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