you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
