dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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