cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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