My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I won the penis lottery.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
