Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
