I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
